


Taco y Tequila (Tongues, Tongues, Everywhere)

by bessemerprocess



Category: Fake News RPF, Pundit & Broadcast Journalist RPF (US), Real News RPF
Genre: Alcohol, Drinking & Talking, Friendship, Fundraising, Gen, Humor, Licking, Third Monday, Third Monday 2011
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-22
Updated: 2011-02-22
Packaged: 2017-10-16 02:00:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/167215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bessemerprocess/pseuds/bessemerprocess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>"So, your plan really is lick people and profit?" Anderson asks.</i></p><p><i>"It's basically the basis of my entire career," Stephen says with a shrug. "Also, it's licking for charity."</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Taco y Tequila (Tongues, Tongues, Everywhere)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bendingsickle](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=bendingsickle).



"Why do you even bother with the tacos?" Rachel asks Stephen as she sets her armful of tequila bottles on the table.

"Tacos are a traditional part of Taco night, hence the name," Stephen says, adding the take out bag to the table.

Anderson digs through the bag. "I like tacos."

"Well, I like tequila," Keith says, passing out glasses, with Jon following behind to fill them.

Stephen dives into his taco, while Rachel and the rest of the table knock back the first shot of the night.

"Start without me, why don't you." Stephen drinks down his shot as soon as he swallows the bit of taco in his mouth. "S'nice. Burns a little."

"Light weight," Jon says, and ducks out of the way as Stephen attempts to swat at him.

Rachel pours the next round carefully out of reach of Stephen's hands.

"Behave," Keith says. "The person who spills my tequila will feel my wrath.”

"Oh, no, the Olberwrath! I'm so scared!" Stephen replies, deftly swiping the shot glass out from in front of Keith and swallowing it down, before doing the same with his own.

"Jon Stewart," Rachel says in her mock-stern voice, "did you let Stephen get all sugared up before bringing him here?"

"There may have been pixie sticks," Jon replies, trying to sound contrite.

Stephen sticks out his slightly blue tongue in proof. "Jon didn't even know about the Mallomars, or the Laffy Taffy."

"Did you have cake, too?" Jon asks.

"Of course I did! Cake is an important part of a healthy breakfast, and you know how I feel about the food pyramid."

"Now I want cake." Anderson sighs.

Keith grabs the bottle and fills Anderson's shot glass. "Drink your tequila."

"Yessir!" Anderson salutes Keith with the glass, sloshing a bit of the alcohol onto his hand. He shoots back the rest and then licks his hand clean while the entire tables stares. "What?"

"Damn," Jon says, "I should have brought a camera. Think of how much I could've sold that for."

"Enough to fill all the pot holes in New York," Rachel says like it's a well-worn refrain, before refilling all the shot glasses.

"I'm a genius!" Stephen exclaims, throwing his hands in the air.

Jon gets out his best humoring Stephen voice. "Of course you are, dear."

"No, no. I mean, more of a genius than I normally am. See, it'll be like a kissing booth in one of those cheesy 80's high school movies. Except with licking. Licking for infrastructure!"

"Wait, your plan is: step one, lick yourself, step three, profit. What's step two?" Keith asks, whether he's confused by Stephen or the tequila is unclear.

"No, we'll lick each other. On television. Like a pledge drive. If we raise $10,000, I'll lick Jon, and if we raise $100,000, Jon will lick Anderson. And if we raise one mil-lee-on dollars, Rachel will lick Keith," Stephen explains in his slightly slurred Doctor Evil voice.

"Hey, why are we the cheap seats?" Jon asks.

In answer, Stephen licks him. "Everybody knows they don't actually have to spend any money to get me to lick you," Stephen explains with a grin as Jon wipes at his face.

"So, your plan really is lick people and profit?" Anderson asks.

"It's basically the basis of my entire career," Stephen says with a shrug. "Also, it's licking for charity."

"I'm not sure. I mean, have you considered the germs Anderson has been exposed to?" Keith says with a smirk, and then takes another shot.

"My germs? I'm probably the most vaccinated person in America." Anderson looks at Stephen, who nods, and then launches himself at Keith, managing to get in a good lick before Keith pushes him off and they both land on the floor.

"Ack! I've been attacked!"

"That was nothing!" Rachel says, as she helps Keith up. Unfortunately for him, it leaves him an open target for Rachel to get in a good lick across his face.

"Hey! You're supposed to be my ally."

"I'm a free agent. I reserve my right to lick anyone I want at anytime," Rachel announces, and then to push her point home, bends down to lick Jon's ear. "Mmm, tastes of shaving cream," she says with a wrinkled nose.

"If I'd known the night was going to disintegrate into an orgy of licking, I would've rolled in some fudge sauce for you before coming over."

"I have fudge sauce!" Anderson attempts to scurry towards his kitchen, but he's had enough that socked feet on smooth tile leads to a wipe-out.

"Anderson fell down," Jon says, pointing out the obvious.

"Anderson fell down," Stephen repeats, and then adds, "Get him!"

Stephen and Keith launch themselves at Anderson, while Jon laughs and Rachel opens another bottle of tequila. She takes a swig and passes the bottle to Jon. "You know, my phone does take video," Rachel says.

"Nah," Jon replies, "let’s just enjoy it."

"And tease them about it in the morning?" Rachel asks, watching as Keith holds Anderson down and Stephen licks his face.

"Oh, for at least a week," Jon says, and fishes the last taco out of the bag with a smile.


End file.
